Banana porridge is not the best thing since sliced bread.

Carefully following instructions on the package, I measured four spoons of banana porridge ('THE IRON SOURCE') into three cups of water. Mixed, boiled and waited.

Transferred the rest of the powder from degenerating plastic package into a jar. Valuable stuff - keep it stowed away airtight. Mixed boiled waited.

Sure, the 'porridge' thickened a little, but it still looked a little soupy. Added another tablespoon of powder - perhaps tablespoons are bigger in Jamaica. Every tablespoon a heaped tablespoon, thats their motto. Mixed, boiled, waited.

The new tablespoon didn't seem enthusiastic to mix with the original mix. Small islands of undissolved clag floated on my yellow-green soup. Not very appetizing, I thought - serves them right for persecuting homosexuals. A little breakfast punishment for their social intolerance.

Five minutes according to the packet. No sign of anything resembling porridge. Cranked up the gas. Vigourous boiling. More waiting. Around five minutes I poured the watery sludge into a bowl. A dash of maple syrup 'just in case'.

Disaster. Truely repulsive. Tipped the bowl down the sink. Oatmeal with blueberries for breakfast today. Live to fight another day.